Medication Trial

My mom was living in N.Y. State & Margaret called her & told her what had happened to me & she was on the next plane to see me. So her & Rhonda came to visit me. My mom told me some things that she never told me before. Things I had already known, but it was nice to hear her say them.



A few days passed by & I was still in there & kept asking Dr. Roberts when I was going home. He said I probably will be staying there for a while. That I had depression. “Depression, I have depression?” “You have what we call major depression & anxiety disorder.” “Anxiety disorder too?”


I finally moved out of the locked unit into the open unit. It was so much freer there. We could go outside.


One day they put me through a trial of medications, to see what would work for me. Another girl & I, Betty, were doing this at the same time. We had to record on paper every hour on how we were feeling. The lady nurse named Angie was doing the test. Betty & I were doing different ones at a time. The first one made me feel like I peed myself. It was a shot. Angie said it would make me feel that way. I kept feeling my crotch thinking I had peed all over myself & I went into the bathroom & felt my underwear & it was dry as a bone, it was such a strange feeling. Then Betty & I thought we’d go out & shoot some hoops, & well after a bit I started feeling weird, really light headed & hot, nervous & jumpy inside, like I was going to jump out of my skin. I said, “Betty, we’ve got to go in.” We went to the door & it was looked. NO way to get in. I then panicked. I started pacing back n forth & it was getting worse. Then I saw a women out with some kids a couple chain link fences over. We yelled for her to come over & open the door. She said she wouldn’t. I said very loud & very angry. “I’m fuckin going nuts now open the fuckin door!!!!!!” So at that point she thought it was urgent enough to help us & she came right over & unlocked the door. When I finally calmed down about 3 hours later it was time to see Angie about our reports. I told her how I was outside & feeling really bad. She said, “how come you didn’t report it to me or on the paper.” I said because we were fucking locked outside!!!”