My New Therapist

I believe it was around 1990 and I was 22 years old. I was on my way to my 1st therapy appointment in New Haven. Margaret was going to meet me there. I didn’t know what to expect from this therapist, was she going to think I was nuts. I had left an unwritten will on the kitchen table at home, my plan was to come home from my appointment and kill myself with my boyfriend’s gun, by shooting myself in the head. My boyfriend was gone for the week, a surveying job out of town. I was only seeing this therapist to satisfy my boss. I thought that I had loved my boyfriend for a while, but it didn’t last long. Everything about him got under my skin, but he did love me, he wasn’t a bad man. He never cheated on me, hit me or yelled at me. But he just drove me up the wall. He didn’t deserve how I treated him. I think it was just me that I was the problem, not him. But I just felt like I was stuck in this relationship. Once I literally put him through a wall. I had his gun in my hands and he came in the bedroom and saw me with it and stated rambling on about how I must have hated my mom. So I shoved him and he went right through the wall. Needless to say our landlord was not a happy camper. I waited out in my jeep until Margaret arrived, then we both went in together. We sat in the chair while I filled out some paper work. I was about to spill my guts out to a therapist, boy was I nervous. And then the therapist came out and said, “Tammy, I’m ready for you now.”